MIND MAZE

There is a process of recognizing and walking through the maze of brainwashing and mind control associated with domestic abuse during recovery. This unraveling allows you to regain your own mind, reclaim your identity and be restored by re-establishing your most treasured beliefs, views and even ordinary, everyday opinions.

Control motivates the abuser to build this elaborate mind maze; to dictate your thoughts, feelings, reactions, whereabouts, relationships, etc. During the process of recovery your thoughts are becoming yours again. There is a reclamation of self where layers of false beliefs will begin to unravel and be peeled away.

There are a number of pit-falls in the recovery process of domestic abuse of which one needs to be aware.

ADDICTION TO ABUSE -

Includes a temptation to return to the past, whether to the previous abuser, or a new person that embodies that role. This includes ignoring "RED FLAGS" and entering into another abusive situation to normalise abuse and repeat patterns. Usually this new abuser will be more dangerous and more compelling than the one you have escaped from.

ABUSE ATTRACTS ABUSE

Unresolved feelings, damage, and wounds make us vulnerable to further abuse. Ensure you are receiving support in resolving these issues. Don't isolate or remove yourself from appropriate help. You can become unknowingly complicit in the maintenance of abuse; co-opted by the abuser to defend, justify and ignore what is unacceptable. Such statements as, "I shouldn't have mad him mad" or "I knew it was building up.", tend to normalise domestic abuse.

REPLACEMENTS ARE FUTILE

During the recovery period, after long term domestic abuse, there are several factors to consider:

  • Never enter a new relationship while still easily triggered because judgment can be highly skewed as recovery takes time and care. You will not find Mr. Wonderful, but rather Mr.Worse if your own issues are unresolved.
  • You may want to mask loneliness with activity; or may attempt to handle trauma by relocating. Watch for repetitive patterns, they are signposts of emotional overload. Try to remain stable in a safe location, maintaining friendships (if possible), work and other daily routines to solidify your recovery. Constant movement and activity can hinder and prolongthe healing process.