CAT AND MOUSE GAME
In the early days there is a process of baiting and testing the proverbial waters. When you 'take the bait' the game level increases in intensity and manipulation. If at this stage you question the motives or character, this will be met with either great defensiveness, denial and possibly verbal abuse or conversely sickly sweet whitewashing of the matter. Consider these 'red flags' and proceed at your own risk.
Once the bait is taken, layers and levels of manipulation will intensify which can include romance. Don't be captivated by the lure of romance. If you are dizzy with it, BE CAREFUL! Romance is very alluring, but if there is no substance, romance will soon fizzle and you will have already been hooked. When romance dies down and control replaces it, regret often is too late. Whirlwind romances are for Hollywood and usually end in destruction and brokenness.
This aspect of the cycle is more entangled and often uses what is known as 'gas lighting', where your reality is purposely misinterpreted, twisted or misused against you. If you are exposed to blame long term, self-blame is foundationally formed and very difficult to dislodge. Blame is the glue of domestic abuse.
FEAR
This ties into the previous aspect of the cycle. When blame takes hold and threatening, verbal abuse or actual physical abuse occurs; fear is the automatic response. Fear then becomes a manipulative tool with which to control.
Deep Programming
This is the final aspect of the ascending cycle of abuse; where layer upon layer of abusive tactics seemingly recreate one's identity to match the abuser's reality.
Non-battering Abuse
This is the most common type of domestic abuse and the most ignored; for without broken bones, blood or bruises, abuse is often not acknowledged.Psychological, emotional, sexual and sometimes spiritual in nature, this abuse is just as debilitating internally to the one being abused, as is physical violence. Complicating this type of abuse is the fact that many women feel unjustified in seeking help because any physical assault is minor in comparison to more serious physical injury. This is the cunning nature of domestic abuse. The typical, "He's only hit me once or twice or he only screams and swears at me when he is mad."or "He only reacts if I...", or "I shouldn't have upset him because he was __________" maintains the woman as a future target and cause.
